top of page

Heavy duty. Truth. Old school.

Our exclusive 100% cotton UP-i-tee shirts, polos, and rugbys are not distressed, pre-shrunk, or faked to look like you've worn them forever, because you haven't. We believe you can't buy character. If you want your Old's Cool to look old school, you know what you have to do—wear it out into the world and make something of yourself.

As a gloves-off introduction into the beautiful but bruising  business arena, Wiseacres are large and in charge of the e-commerce store, giving them the opportunity to experience the whole knuckle and punch of running an online business in the real-whirled, so-to-speak.

We believe in this country, and always try to walk the talk–almost all of our wicked genius products are Proudly Made in the USA, with love and gratitude for this great nation.

 

Shop all of our awesomeness with a quick click... 

peteronfiatatradnor.png
OLD MAN ON BEACH WISEACRE.png

Loud and Proud.

We are the Wiseacres, and our mascot is "Smart Aleck" (not pictured). 

This American Apparel Unisex Made in America classic comes in black, white, navy and heather gray. Long and short sleeve. Fits all you cool nerds and know-it-alls out there to a tee.

What are you waiting for, Christmas?

 

Shop now.

Stealing is the name of the game.

One Up! takes a nimble mind, as everyone tries to be the first person to make a word from the tiles that are face-down in the center. Take turns flipping one tile over at a time: first an "A", then an "R" and then a "T". Shout it out, and don't be shy–"ART!"
 

Beware! The game has a cool, cutthroat twist: any player's words can be stolen by anyone else by simply adding a letter. If an "M" is turned over, and since you already have the word "ART", I can call out "MART" and take it from you. 

All words are in play at all times. The player with the most words at the end wins.



Explore our de facto IQ test >
 

ONE UP! AS HERO ON WHITE.png
WISE UP! ON BLACK.png

Are you smarter than a sixth grader?

It's easy to play Wise Up! And wicked hard to win.

There are 150 thought-provoking Questions, like: What was Sleeping Beauty's real name? What is the circumference of a golf ball? Name a mammal that lays eggs. Where is the zygomatic arch? What are the eight Ivy League schools?

But wait!

 

Wise Up! also has 50 wicked physical and frustrating Challenges, such as: Throw this card on the floor and pick it up without using your hands. Or how about: Swap shirts with the player to your left. Anyone for a "Thumb War?" 



Shop this horrible party card game now >

"Machiavellian!"
 

The object of the game is simple: players start with $5000, and the first one to get to $100,000 wins.

You can do this by purchasing real estate and building skyscrapers, investing in the stock market, acquiring "trophies," and betting (and losing) big in Vegas. Wheeling and dealing is encouraged. Double-dealing too.

 

But wait! There are also 50 wicked $ Cards which involve physical and mental challenges that turn this into a metagame. For example: Throw this card on the floor and pick it up without touching it with your hands. Or, Play Rock, Paper, Scissors with any other player. Loser pays winner $1000. And finally, Switch places with another player and finish the rest of the game in his/her place.

 

Ouch!

 

Do you have the brass you need to win?

Shop our Darwinian fun now >

JAKEANDRAYLAUGHING.png
TOOCE I, II, III, IV ON KRAFT.png

"Way more knowledge than college."

Save yourself the tuition and the time and just read The Official Old's Cool Education I, II, III, & IV instead–the Academy's perfectly handy three volume sets jam-packed with a lifetime of danger and wonders, history, literature, wit, and wisdom.

Discover these perfect pocket primers here.

bottom of page