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Heavy duty. Truth. Old school.

Our exclusive 100% cotton UP-i-tee shirts, polos, and rugbys are not distressed, pre-shrunk, or faked to look like you've worn them forever, because you haven't. We believe you can't buy character. If you want your Old's Cool to look old school, you know what you have to do—wear it out into the world and make something of yourself.

As a gloves-off introduction into the beautiful but bruising  business arena, Wiseacres are large and in charge of the e-commerce store, giving them the opportunity to experience the whole knuckle and punch of running an online business in the real-whirled, so-to-speak.

We believe in this country, and always try to walk the talk–all of our wicked genius products are Proudly Made in the USA, with a few noted exceptions.


Shop all of our awesome clobber with a quick click... 


Stealing is the name of the game.


One Up!, like the game of life, is not only unfair, frustrating, and fabulous, it's also highly-educational–you'll know who's smart and ruthless a minute in, max. And who's not.
We whip this out every day at lunch–it's cutthroat and quick and guaranteed to turn your family and friends into "greedy, self-serving punks," if they all aren't already. 
Seriously, let's play!

Shop our wicked fun & games now.

"Way more knowledge than college."

Save yourself the tuition and the time and just read The Official Old's Cool Education I, II, III, & IV instead–the Academy's perfectly handy three volume sets jam-packed with a lifetime of danger and wonders, wit, trivia, and wisdom.

Discover these perfect pocket primers here.

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